“I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it.”

Billie Eilish is getting candid about her body image and insecurities. In a new interview for Variety‘s The Power of Women issue, the Grammy winner — who first came onto the music scene at 13 years old — opened up about her decision to hide her body at the beginning of her career, and how she’s never felt desirable as a woman.

“I wasn’t trying to have people not sexualize me,” she said of her baggy clothing, adding that, at first, her own insecurities with her body made her want to cover up. “But I didn’t want people to have access to my body, even visually.

I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it. If I had shown it at that time, I would have been completely devastated if people had said anything.”

She continued, “Maybe my not really caring about being sexualized is because I’ve never felt desired or desirable. I’ve never felt like a woman, to be honest with you.

I’ve never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl. I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”

The 21-year-old then went on to address how her body became a conversation in the media, after she notably traded her signature baggy T-shirt for a form-fitting tank top in 2020.

“I have big boobs. I’ve had big boobs since I was nine years old, and that’s just the way I am. That’s how I look,” Billie said of hitting puberty at a young age.

“You wear something that’s at all revealing, and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, but you didn’t want people to sexualize you?’” She added, “You can suck my ass! I’m literally a being that is sexual sometimes. Fuck you!”

Billie continued by calling out the double standard between men and women’s bodies. “Nobody ever says a thing about men’s bodies.

f you’re muscular, cool. If you’re not, cool. If you’re rail thin, cool. If you have a dad bod, cool. If you’re pudgy, love it! Everybody’s happy with it.

You know why? Because girls are nice,” she said. “They don’t give a fuck because we see people for who they are!”